Literally fucking around and finding out

 

      At one point in my life I was fifteen, awkward, scared to bang someone. I ended up getting myself an even more awkward, horny dude I attached myself too and managed to spare myself the pain of trying to initiate a sexual encounter with anyone else at that point in time. There were still people I really wanted to bang during that time though but couldn't. A gigantic perk of growing up and staying in a small town that I never consider is that once in a blue moon, (this actually is probably the first time it's happened to me) they come on back around and we get second shots in life. And it's a truly beautiful shot to behold. Especially that cum shot. 

     I met Chance in my sophomore gym class, he was a rowdy freshman boy that sat by me in gym roll call because our last names are alphabetically similar. He wasn't bad rowdy or anything like that, like happy rowdy, I thought his little ass had some kind of adhd or something like that but he'd crack me up. He was really cute too. By the time I ended up getting to know him more, I got locked down like 6 months after meeting him. I found he was into me too but but too little too late. I have the whole timeline written down in my old diaries but my parents dropped dead around that time so there's a lot of blank spots anyway. So as far as Chance and I got in high-school was me occasionally masterbating myself imagining him up on me late at night after a five hour crying jag for a small smidgen of serotonin. Tragic.

       Fast for to now, 11 or 12 years later, and that second shot came back around and kicked me straight in the stomach and gave me a fat ass kiss on the mouth. He was back in town visiting his grandparents. He moved on after high school and ended up becoming a very fine young man and doing well for himself for the most part, which I've followed more or less on social media through the years. When he started doing his MMA or martial arts circuit or whatever like six years back or whatever and winning competitions and shit I pretty much wrote off him as a notion of ever banging or hell, even seeing ever again really. There is such a thing as a good write off and luckily this was one. Knowing Chance's background, him doing well in life is like one of those little miracles that are painfully rare but when they do happen, it's something to dwell on here and there and be thankful that's how it happened because one wrong step and it could've been over for them. He's a navy boy now and dead ass is so far out of my league that if he were a clay pigeon and I was trying to shoot him out the sky I'd need a nasa telescope to see him. He's hotter then Clark Kent pushing a villain bitch into an air fryer. He's a dime as the kids say. Me being much older and wiser than I was when me met, I said fuckin right I'm down when he hit me up of Instagram that he was in town. We started talking again here and there after I started up my onlyfans and he still wanted to hit it but he was out doing navy stuff so he hasn't been around. I was pleasantly surprised we linked up again even if it was online. I eventually came to the conclusion he probably had a big cock and I've had it in the back of my mind that I would really like to verify that. I must have cock radar or something too because I was dead ON. I picked him up in town and we caught up on the way back to my place. We started banging pretty much as soon as we got there. We made out, got the feeling of each other and the clothes came off and I literally fucked around and found out (Insert sobbing sounds). That one is long and thick, he went deep too I could feel him up on my stomach and he stayed hard even after he busted in me too and kept just it in me, I love that shit. Oh my goodness, I tried to go down on him to see if I could get his dick down my throat. And yeah, I kinda could ayyye. He ended up laying me on my stomach and sticking his cock up inside from behind which is a wonderful way to feel the whole scope of what a dude is working with. Chance knows how to work it too so I felt an on and off intense feeling of pain while he was thrusting in and out of me which feels fucking amazing. He already filled me up with his cum and I got wet as hell, like it's a wonderful top off position absolutely. Its too bad he had to go back home after that, but not after I actually learned something pretty awesome and convenient. In the middle of my bedroom he was still a bit hard and he showed me how he can stick his dick up in me standing up and how that even works, it was impressive. Easy too, like I've seen it in movies but haven't done it myself. Assertive guys are dope as hell when I'm getting fucked. Hopefully I'll catch him in an alley at least before he takes off back to the other side of the country. I'll hit it again for sure, given the chance. His personality is still cool too. No lie, I was nervous about that. Not because he's accomplished but my place is trashed as hell. I've barely been home the last couple weeks and my youngest cat needs to get fixed (fucking ASAP if youve never owned a male cat) since hes learned how to spray. He left here to get away from that (not specifically obviously but like crack house looking spots and that bullshit) and I had a slight war in my head over that fact too because my house is about one heroine needle away from being condemned at the moment, I'm not going to lie. The timing of this couldn't have been worse but I'm not stupid, I felt it in my heart I had to seize the moment because who even know when I get to see him again. My sisters in the navy too, stationed right here in California and I barely ever get to see her. Not gonna chance that with a high-school 'what if'. Especially in this crazy world like come on.

    As for my onlyfans, I don't know if Chance wanted to record or not. He asked about my lighting but I don't know if that has fuck all to do with anything. Not filming with my room looking like garbage is a plus, but I actually kind of wanted this to be special. Like something for us, you know? The human brain only collects the parts we want to keep with us (more for survival but I I feel the pleasure part is evolving on point, which I'm working to the best of my human abilities). Dumb film captures everything, the good, the bad and the ugly; which has its time and place don't get me wrong, I fuck with it and love it. These moments were ours though and if you have ever anticipated anything like that, you know what's up. Even if he ended up having a micro dick or something, banging him would have been fire as fuck. 11 or 12 years of anticipation only helped make it hotter even despite doing it in my trap lookin house. Navy boy is 20,000 leagues outta mine and I'll be damned if I don't only remember the best parts.

       

When youre done making all yo cash, please come back around and straight beat my ass

 So I went to see one of my heroes, Mickey Avalon, last night in Sebastopol. I don't know that I can even describe how fucking awesome it was. He truly does have flows that turns nuns too hoes, and lord knows I ain't a nun so I was out there putting the mack down in the parking lots afterwards and ended up hooking up with a fine young man that after drinking one of those packaged CVS rum packets, kind of actually resembled mickey avalon but taller. The resemblence was later confirmed by my sober homies i went to the concert with. Only downside of that was dude had the same name as my late father and ex husband. The downside being for him really because that alone automatically bumps you to "future ex-husband" in my book. As far as I'm concerned that whole night was the biggest win of probably my entire life and not to brag but I did graduate from college and my dog pack is fairly impressive. But Mickey actually fucking touched me, and I still just cannot. I'm probably gonna have to write about the concert separately somehow, I don't know. The memories are pretty patchy but I really gotta remember anything I can. I was pretty fucking wasted which I'm feeling today but I'd do it again. I'm definitely gonna bang that dude again too and for sure get my clothes back from him. I didn't lose any of my shoes thankfully but the clothes were a different story. The only real regrets from that evening are not decking this weird bitch named Flower because she was tryna steal my shit and somehow my photo time with Mickey. She didn't, my homies had my back thankfully and it's not like I had anything important with me. I was vibing with her for a while but yeah, I gotta remember why I only have like two close girlfriends, that's because I generally attract fucking weird bitches. The other regret would be not recording dude fucking up my pussy. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts right now too. I can get so horny sometimes, especially when I'm drinking and having fun. I was on this guy's dick pretty much the whole night after we went back to his place and damned if he wasn't with it. When he wasn't pumping his hard dick inside me, he was eating me out or we had our tongues down each others throats and grinded our bodies together. I fuck hard with guys who go down on me, even if drinking makes it hard to cum. I still get so wet and something about making out with them right after just drives me fucking crazy. That type of shit has low key nearly gotten my crazy ass locked down in the past and once or twice it has. I hope I at least sucked him off too, I probably did but I don't recall that specifically. 

Mmm, and the next morning when we woke up (apparently we got a few hours of sleep at least) I figured out what his name was, realized he was actually hot, and called my buddy, we fucked one last time. I usually hate morning sex since I'm not really a morning person and I hate my morning breath. Complete mood killer usually. Not that morning though, we were still kissing on each other, he slipped in his morning wood and he ended up just giving it to me from behind up my pussy, which by the way is probably my favorite position and especially for morning sex. I must have still been wet from the previous night too. My pussy was starting to get sore so I was a little worried it would hurt some but after he got the tip in he slid right inside me. He busted a huge load right in me. When I get fucked from behind I can feel the dick much better so when he came I could just feel his cock pulsating inside of me. It's such an amazing feeling, having someone just cum hard into me like that. I like the feeling of semen dripping out of me as well, especially if the guy doesn't take their dick out right away. He didn't pull out too quickly after, I think we just kinda laid back down like that but Goddamn. That boy really has me dick drunk right now. Like I need to stop and change my panties.

A little reflection never hurt no one supposedly

 Northern rural California is a funny place to live. Not particularly in a haha type of a way but unfortunately real life isn't usually all that hilarious anyways. Poppy grew up like many people in her county, up some mountain with breath taking views, wildlife and what she wouldn't really realize until high-school, bless her parents, poverty and generational trauma. Up said mountain, Poppy spent most of her youth reading, wandering the forests, smoking weed, all that good emerald triangle children shenanigans. Back then we could take random stuff out to the forest with whatever flammable materials we could snatch and set it on fire without taking out half a county. Although poppy was born in 1996, her and her sisters didn't grow up with electricity, TV, cellphone service later on when they became available or any of that. Hell, they didn't have a working toilet until poppy was about nine or ten. Today, Poppy still lives on that mountain and still doesn't have great reception and doesn't even know if landlines exist anymore. She thrives in this environment and really doesn't like to leave if she doesn't have too. So long as her, her animals and their basic needs are met, which thus far (praise some higher power) almost always are, Poppy could give a fuck about the other bells and whistles. 

    We all suffer from some side effects of childhood, whether intentional or not. Poppy is no exception. Today, at 26 years old, she's been finding it easier to be able to reflect on past transgressions, although there's always the nagging question, "well, what in the flying fuck is even the point of that?" Considering self-reflection is basically a form of self torture, though nobody wants to admit it.

     Recent revelations have had poppy left wondering if perhaps she's been reflecting on the wrong issues. It's easy to look back on the sad, unbearable events in our lives and end up bumming ourselves out to the point alcohol fued black outs and random sex are better than the the eventual reality we find ourselves in at the end of such reflections and even then it's a blackout so there's no remembering of any clear instances, thought or action, then the next thing we know it's 12 years, six cars and two DUI charges later and we're not doing any better than we were. Then there's the sinking voice again that says, "well at least it went fast and you don't remember most of it anyway, fuck it." 

Introducing my blog

 "Everyone should learn before they die, what they are running from, to, and why"

     The internet pseudonym I go by is Poppy, but that's not my real name. The real details about me are not glamorous, fairly tragic, and have too many unnecessary incidents that I tell myself can only build character. Sadly, in the back of my mind, I feel these instances have only fueled my alcolism and deterioration of my mental health. I will not let that get me down though, on account of the fact that if I killed myself, I just know that someone, somewhere would certainly get too much satisfaction out of that, and I refuse to have that happen. 

       They say to write what you know, so my hopes for this blog is to do just that. Personal experiences, reflections, and the likes. Maybe like a manifesto, who knows yet. I hope to at the very least get better at writing. Throughout childhood and my teen years I rather enjoyed writing and used it as an outlet. Being twenty six years old now, I've found myself getting back in the saddle, and figured if I was doing this I may as well try to get some ad revenue off it as well. California is not cheap, my friends. It sure is beautiful here though. Usually a good time in the scheme of things too. I tell myself that anyhow. I reckon if you end up reading more of this blog, you will be able to decide for yourself. Granted I follow through on writing regularly that is. It is December and I do tend to get a wild hair up my ass this time of year, but like the manifesto thing, who knows yet and we'll see.  

      Another hope is that this blog will be enjoyed. Most people starting one would hope that though I'd assume. I will settle for indifference. That's generally how I like my onlyfans and xhamster accounts to be. The ones who want to be here are and the ones who don't fuck on about their internet using. I feel thats how online interactions should work and I don't believe that's too crazy a concept though I have misjudged people here and there. Luckily for me I have all that character built that I mentioned earlier so if you're one of the assholes in the world who would take delight in my demise, I say, "I'm on 100 milligrams of zoloft a day and I don't feel too intensly about anything except probably my animals." No satisfaction for anyone. For that you can message me for pornographic links. Wink wink. 

Poppy Wilds